uurrhh...Rolling my eyes at my own posts! How corny!! How cliche!!! I feel like I'm looking back at my former, immature self!! Who am I to think my life story would be interesting? I am suddenly not inspired to blog...lol
ok, nevermind!! I'm back!!! I'm am well! Nope, not sick!! yes, believe it!! I look back at my posts and wonder what I've learned, or who I've helped, or what my purpose is. I learn something new every day, so that would take too long, I don't know who I've helped, so no list of people, and only God knows my purpose, so I can't tell you. I'm hoping it will all be clear one day when I'm face to face with God. All in all, I don't have any answers or words of wisdom! I can only hope my experience is useful to someone else and maybe even to myself.
My experiences have been humbling over and over! I still think about suffering and why it is present in this world. My answer? I don't know! I THINK it is because we chose from the beginning of Adam and Eve to not live by God's rules. If we had lived by what God commanded from the beginning, we could still be living in the Garden of Eden. As an accountant, I think of it as compounding sin. I don't think it is our sins, individually, that causes our suffering, but all our sins compounded together. Our sins affect each other. I don't think it is is punishment from God. I think it is our choice to live away from the rules of God as a whole. I have heard a few friends say "then that means God is not all powerful, or all knowing". When I say I don't believe that, then they say "then God is an uncaring God". I don't believe that either. I don't know why God allows suffering. I wonder if our suffering allows us to become more of the person we are intended to be or if it has a purpose beyond ourselves. Jesus suffered! The prime example of suffering having a purpose. OK, but why did I have to suffer, or that little girl that has a brain tumor? Every time I put on a pair of glasses to see, I think about how clear things are. You don't realize how much you didn't see until you put glasses on. I think on Earth we don't realize how much we don't know or understand until it all becomes clear when we are face to face with God. I don't pretend to have all the answers. I keep trying to dig and understand, while trying to be patient. Atheism is in my face so much lately. I have friends that say they are atheists. What do you say? Who am I to tell you what I believe is right! I will not belittle you and tell you my way or no way. I know what I believe. I doubt things from time to time and even get mad at God, but I am still a Christian who prays every day! I pray for by doubts and for my anger! BUT, I never stop believing. I will not isolate myself from someone who believes something different or tell you you are wrong. I strongly feel what I believe! You can see by the way I live my life or how I react to you. Do I get judgmental? of course I do! I try my best every day not to and to give grace and forgiveness. I am human and so are you. In my opinion, we are all God's children and I am not better than you or lower than you! I will do my best to help you when I can, but will also do my best not to say yes to too many things that I render myself useless. I will do my best not to judge you and to always forgive you, but remember I am not perfect either and I need forgiveness too. I will do my best not to compare my sins to yours just to justify mine. I will do my best to be patient, but I will also do my best to push you to be the best you can be. I will do my best to tell you when I see what you are doing is good! We all need affirmation! I will do my best to affirm you and remind you I love you. I will do my best not to tell you what I believe is the only thing to believe. I will do my best to respect you and love you even if you don't believe the same things I believe. Do your best not to belittle what I believe. My beliefs are precious to me. I will do my best to keep my mouth shut when you do belittle my beliefs. I acknowledge I have many sins! I acknowledge I believe Jesus died on the cross for us as the ultimate sacrifice. I believe our sins are forgiven past, present, and future.
I believe I am tired and am no longer inspired to keep writing!! lol! I love you guys for not rolling your eyes too much at me!
I pray you find your blessing through your battles!
Melissa
