We are gathered here today to get through this thing called...(all together now).........LIFE! I want to say that every time I hear it in a movie or at a wedding. I just love Prince. We have to get through life every day, good or bad. We have no choice, but we do have the choice on how we will handle it. I am not trying to sound like a cliche, but dang it is so true that life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it! Today, well today, I am having fleeting moments of resentment and bitterness. Yes, they are fleeting. I don't normally feel that way long, but I do feel like that every great once in a while. It seems the more I go through, the less bitter and resentful I am. Sounds crazy, huh? Maybe it is the weak body, strong spirit concept. God is working on me through my weak moments. My friend, JoNell, and I use to talk about how "jealousy" was such a wasted emotion. I feel the same way about being bitter and resentful. Why would God give us those feelings? Did he give them to us or do we let the devil lay them on us!? I still get confused and I boggle my own brain when I start thinking about why God would create an angel called Lucifer that he knew would fall and tempt the world. I know God has his master plan and it will all be clear one day, but I still can't help but think about it sometimes. It all ties into why we have to suffer! I don't have the answer, but I do know that Jesus suffered so we would be saved. I don't think God promised us a pain free life with no problems, just a safe landing, as my sister says!
After I had my "j-pouch" surgery to remove my colon and recreate my colon in 2004 , I had multiple bowel obstructions. It was about 2 years after the initial surgeries. Shawn and I had been divorced about 1 1/2 years and I just sold my trailer, finally. I couldn't give it away before that. Riley and I had moved in with mom and dad while I looked for a house. Also, at the same time we were moving the accounting department at Movie Gallery to the corporate office at Hollywood video that we had acquired in the year before that. I and a whole lot of other people were losing their jobs. I was lucky enough to get retention and severance to stay until the last day. I had a job as soon as this one ended at the I.D. Associates, where I am still today. I found a house, made an offer, started working at I.D. and then one night I woke up (at mom and dad's) with the worst, deepest pain in my stomach I had ever felt. I got up went into mom and dad's room and woke them up. I eventually threw up and I felt better. I went back to sleep, but the pain came back with a vengeance the next morning. Dad took me to the ER and they did a CT scan and found my intestines twisted like a hose that gets kinked up. It was adhesions that caused my intestines to twist. Dr. Nichols did surgery and fixed it and 10 days later, I was home just on time for my dad's birthday. I closed on my house, ripped up the carpet, painted the walls. I say "I", but my dad and his friend did the floor and my sister and her family painted my house. I changed all the fixtures too. Before all that was done I started getting sick again and couldn't stop throwing up. I had ANOTHER bowel obstruction. This time it wasn't an easy fix. I went back in and we did surgery again to no avail. We ended up back at UAB and stayed there for a while and had several surgeries there as well. I had the best doctor and nurses I could have ever imagined. They became like family to me. I still stay in touch with my doctor and several nurses. It ended up being 84 days in the hospital and 8 months out of work. BUT.....I was living with mom and dad when it happened, I had severance and retention money from Movie Gallery that paid my bills during all the time out of work, my trailer sold, and I had a job to go back to when I got well. Did God orchestrate this???? I believe he did. Not the bad stuff, but God knows what is going on in your life and he took care of me! If you just look for God, you will find him. I didn't see all of this until about a year later or so. Then one day, I went OMG!!! God worked this out for me!! There were days I would stare out the window while I was in the hospital at Flowers and watch the people driving by and think how much those people where taking driving for granted and why was I there! Why me? why anybody? It was hard, but in retrospect I saw how God orchestrated taking care of me and my family.
I don't know why I have been sick since I was 17, why I've had 11 surgeries, why I have breast cancer, but I do know God works these things out for our good and for his glory. All things work together for the good of the Lord, for those that love him. Romans 8:28. Sounds so crazy, but Shawn I got married Aug. 28, 1999. We wanted a verse read that had 8:28 in it! This is the one we used. I never realized how much it would mean in my life! I still have my fleeting moments of bitterness and just being tired, but I am stronger in spirit. I still have a long, long way to go and am humbled by so many other people that have suffered way more than I have. I hope that this is not all in vain and that I don't have to keep learning these lessons over and over. I have learned so much trust through the years. Not in people, in God! I don't understand it, so I just trust him! It is not for our understanding. I am not a biblical scholar, don't get me wrong. I try to learn more all the time about the bible. I love hearing from other people that have a deep love for our savior and I love those that don't. I would love to hear your comments on "suffering".
May the peace of Christ be with you! until next time....I pray that you find your blessings among the battles.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Getting Married and first day of chemo
Yes the blessing and battles come hand in hand....A wedding and the first chemo treatment! Wow what a week it has been.
My drains finally came out 2 weeks ago and Scott and I finally got married. March 17th. (nothing to do with St. Patrick's day). We ate lunch and took off for Nashville. The wedding was very sweet! I wore a black dress....yes, I said black. No, I was not in mourning. The dress looked good, so I got it. It is a second wedding, so I was not worried about "rules". I will post some pictures. Scott and I were so happy to finally be getting married. We were so excited to be heading to Nashville too and not just for the reasons you are thinking right now....stop that! We stayed in the Opryland Hotel! We stayed there back in December when we went to see Garth Brooks, but only stayed one night in an inside room. One of Scott's best friend's got us a limo to take us to the concert. It was the best concert. When we got back it was 1 in the morning and we just didn't have much time to enjoy the Opryland. We decided to go back for our honeymoon, or money moon as Scott calls it! We had an atrium view room this time. If you ever get a chance to go, it is incredible. We went to the Grand Ole Opry on Friday. I had chills being in there. We saw Joe Diffie, Mark Willis, Eric Church, and Marty Stuart, not to mention a bunch of other people. We had a blast and I was able to walk right up to the stage to get pictures. We also went downtown and toured the Ryman where the Opry began. It was pretty cool to see the dressing room where Hank Williams got ready. We stood on the stage and got some pictures too. We walked up and down music row and went in several places including the Wild Horse Saloon. They have the best fried pickles if you ever go! It was the sweetest wedding and the best honeymoon. I am so happy that we are finally married and in the same house. Riley is also much more secure now that we are in Scott's house and his dog sleeps by her bed. She loves it! Funny how the more you are with someone, the more you want to be with them. I know....I'm a newly wed! You don't have to tell me! He has stayed by my side through all this and tells me I'm beautiful all the time even when I look my worst. Breast cancer hasn't scared him away!!! I love him that much more for it!!!
On to chemo....today was my first treatment. Honestly, I was not scared or nervous at all. I don't want to take away anything from what other women with breast cancer have experienced, but this is not the worst thing I have ever dealt with. I know it could have potentially been deadly, but thankfully we caught it early enough. My mastectomy was the 10th surgery I have had, so I was just leaving it in God's hands. I'm so thankful for the peace God has given me with this. I want to share with you all the ways God has been working in my life all these years in my sickness, but I want to tell you about today first.
When I washed my hair this morning, I thought ..."hmmm, I won't have to worry about ALL this hair in a few weeks". Right now, I am not worried about losing my hair. I am NOT a vain person and if you know me well, you know that for sure. I tend to forget to put lipstick on and just throw my hair up alot. My mom always told me growing up when you get up, take a shower, get dressed and put on your makeup and you will feel better. Well, I guess I am just a rebel to some degree because I love hanging out in my pj's as long as I can. My way of not feeling like I was being controlled I guess! So immature, but it stuck with me. I still like to sleep in as long as my body will allow and love NOT being like everyone else! I never had big hair, neon clothes, and hated shoulder pads in the eighties. I don't do all the weird stuff, I have just never liked being in the spotlight. Isn't that kind of ironic since every thing in my life has thrown me in the spot light and I'm writing a blog about it!! God has this way with me that makes me not scared and fearful of things. I always hated the thought of someone having to take care of me (as an adult), then BAM.... I was on my back in the hospital 4 years ago with bowel obstructions and was out of work for 8 months (i'll get to that later too). No, I don't think God made me sick, but I do think he took my sickness and made them work for his glory! I was forced to let someone take care of me and I was forced into the spot light and guess what .....I am no longer scared of either. I do feel a little uncomfortable with the spot light, but I am not scared. Battles and Blessings......
With all that said.....Chemo is not a monster I am scared of! I may not be doing cartwheels when my hair falls out, but I don't think I will be crying a river either. Besides, I won't have to worry about shaving!! It will be the summer time and alot of hair makes you hot! I threatened to shave a mohawk when my hair started falling out....just long enough to take pictures mom! I gotta have fun with it!
So, when I got to the office, they took my blood to check blood counts and then took me to this big room with about 8 chairs. I wanted a private room, but they were full. I don't mind being in the room with other people, but my mom was with me and if I talked to my mom I didn't think everyone wanted to hear it. There were several people in there and I found out....not only do they want to listen, they want to share as well. I think my mom was a little apprehensive about it when one lady started talking to me. She had breast cancer and it came back twice and she warned me to look for symptoms of lung cancer and colon cancer. She had colon cancer as well. I told her I don't have a colon anymore so I didn't have to worry about that, thankfully. I could see the concern in my mom's eyes. She was worried about me getting scared. I reminded her when the lady left that it didn't bother me at all and she shouldn't worry either. I just don't worry about what MIGHT happen. I promise, I don't worry like I did when I was little. The ulcerative colitis I had for 18 years before I had my colon removed forced me to learn to relax and not worry!! YET....another blessing! by the way even though I don't have a colon anymore, the "plumbing" is all in tact. I had the "j-pouch" surgery which takes part of the small intestines to create a "pouch". I am very glad I did it even with all the bowel obstructions....Anyway, when I got to the big room and heard several stories, the nurse started my pre-meds. They had stuff for nausea, steroids, and benadryl in case I had a reaction. I felt a little sleepy, but didn't go to sleep. One of my mom's friends showed up to give me a "prayer shaw". She prayed with me and talked for a while. It was very sweet. Also, my friend Leslie showed up and talked for a while. She has had breast cancer as well and has walked me through this whole process. As a matter of fact, she was the first person I told before I even called the doctor. She has been awesome!! After the pre-meds, she started the Taxatere. I didn't have a reaction, thankfully. It took about an hour and then she started the Cytoxin. I had a weird feeling in my nose and on the back of my head. Overall, it was not a bad experience. I may be saying something different in the next few days, but right now I feel GREAT. I will do better keeping this updated, I hope.....AND pray for my friend Kim.... she is having a tough battle right now, worse than mine! Pray she gets through this and finds her blessings along the way!!!
until next time ....May the peace of Christ be with you and look for the blessings among the battles. You will find them.
My drains finally came out 2 weeks ago and Scott and I finally got married. March 17th. (nothing to do with St. Patrick's day). We ate lunch and took off for Nashville. The wedding was very sweet! I wore a black dress....yes, I said black. No, I was not in mourning. The dress looked good, so I got it. It is a second wedding, so I was not worried about "rules". I will post some pictures. Scott and I were so happy to finally be getting married. We were so excited to be heading to Nashville too and not just for the reasons you are thinking right now....stop that! We stayed in the Opryland Hotel! We stayed there back in December when we went to see Garth Brooks, but only stayed one night in an inside room. One of Scott's best friend's got us a limo to take us to the concert. It was the best concert. When we got back it was 1 in the morning and we just didn't have much time to enjoy the Opryland. We decided to go back for our honeymoon, or money moon as Scott calls it! We had an atrium view room this time. If you ever get a chance to go, it is incredible. We went to the Grand Ole Opry on Friday. I had chills being in there. We saw Joe Diffie, Mark Willis, Eric Church, and Marty Stuart, not to mention a bunch of other people. We had a blast and I was able to walk right up to the stage to get pictures. We also went downtown and toured the Ryman where the Opry began. It was pretty cool to see the dressing room where Hank Williams got ready. We stood on the stage and got some pictures too. We walked up and down music row and went in several places including the Wild Horse Saloon. They have the best fried pickles if you ever go! It was the sweetest wedding and the best honeymoon. I am so happy that we are finally married and in the same house. Riley is also much more secure now that we are in Scott's house and his dog sleeps by her bed. She loves it! Funny how the more you are with someone, the more you want to be with them. I know....I'm a newly wed! You don't have to tell me! He has stayed by my side through all this and tells me I'm beautiful all the time even when I look my worst. Breast cancer hasn't scared him away!!! I love him that much more for it!!!
On to chemo....today was my first treatment. Honestly, I was not scared or nervous at all. I don't want to take away anything from what other women with breast cancer have experienced, but this is not the worst thing I have ever dealt with. I know it could have potentially been deadly, but thankfully we caught it early enough. My mastectomy was the 10th surgery I have had, so I was just leaving it in God's hands. I'm so thankful for the peace God has given me with this. I want to share with you all the ways God has been working in my life all these years in my sickness, but I want to tell you about today first.
When I washed my hair this morning, I thought ..."hmmm, I won't have to worry about ALL this hair in a few weeks". Right now, I am not worried about losing my hair. I am NOT a vain person and if you know me well, you know that for sure. I tend to forget to put lipstick on and just throw my hair up alot. My mom always told me growing up when you get up, take a shower, get dressed and put on your makeup and you will feel better. Well, I guess I am just a rebel to some degree because I love hanging out in my pj's as long as I can. My way of not feeling like I was being controlled I guess! So immature, but it stuck with me. I still like to sleep in as long as my body will allow and love NOT being like everyone else! I never had big hair, neon clothes, and hated shoulder pads in the eighties. I don't do all the weird stuff, I have just never liked being in the spotlight. Isn't that kind of ironic since every thing in my life has thrown me in the spot light and I'm writing a blog about it!! God has this way with me that makes me not scared and fearful of things. I always hated the thought of someone having to take care of me (as an adult), then BAM.... I was on my back in the hospital 4 years ago with bowel obstructions and was out of work for 8 months (i'll get to that later too). No, I don't think God made me sick, but I do think he took my sickness and made them work for his glory! I was forced to let someone take care of me and I was forced into the spot light and guess what .....I am no longer scared of either. I do feel a little uncomfortable with the spot light, but I am not scared. Battles and Blessings......
With all that said.....Chemo is not a monster I am scared of! I may not be doing cartwheels when my hair falls out, but I don't think I will be crying a river either. Besides, I won't have to worry about shaving!! It will be the summer time and alot of hair makes you hot! I threatened to shave a mohawk when my hair started falling out....just long enough to take pictures mom! I gotta have fun with it!
So, when I got to the office, they took my blood to check blood counts and then took me to this big room with about 8 chairs. I wanted a private room, but they were full. I don't mind being in the room with other people, but my mom was with me and if I talked to my mom I didn't think everyone wanted to hear it. There were several people in there and I found out....not only do they want to listen, they want to share as well. I think my mom was a little apprehensive about it when one lady started talking to me. She had breast cancer and it came back twice and she warned me to look for symptoms of lung cancer and colon cancer. She had colon cancer as well. I told her I don't have a colon anymore so I didn't have to worry about that, thankfully. I could see the concern in my mom's eyes. She was worried about me getting scared. I reminded her when the lady left that it didn't bother me at all and she shouldn't worry either. I just don't worry about what MIGHT happen. I promise, I don't worry like I did when I was little. The ulcerative colitis I had for 18 years before I had my colon removed forced me to learn to relax and not worry!! YET....another blessing! by the way even though I don't have a colon anymore, the "plumbing" is all in tact. I had the "j-pouch" surgery which takes part of the small intestines to create a "pouch". I am very glad I did it even with all the bowel obstructions....Anyway, when I got to the big room and heard several stories, the nurse started my pre-meds. They had stuff for nausea, steroids, and benadryl in case I had a reaction. I felt a little sleepy, but didn't go to sleep. One of my mom's friends showed up to give me a "prayer shaw". She prayed with me and talked for a while. It was very sweet. Also, my friend Leslie showed up and talked for a while. She has had breast cancer as well and has walked me through this whole process. As a matter of fact, she was the first person I told before I even called the doctor. She has been awesome!! After the pre-meds, she started the Taxatere. I didn't have a reaction, thankfully. It took about an hour and then she started the Cytoxin. I had a weird feeling in my nose and on the back of my head. Overall, it was not a bad experience. I may be saying something different in the next few days, but right now I feel GREAT. I will do better keeping this updated, I hope.....AND pray for my friend Kim.... she is having a tough battle right now, worse than mine! Pray she gets through this and finds her blessings along the way!!!
until next time ....May the peace of Christ be with you and look for the blessings among the battles. You will find them.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Something Old will Become Our New
Riley and I ventured down to Panama City Saturday morning to be with Scott and his family. On the way down, Scott called me to tell me his mother wanted to give him something and wanted to know how I felt. She wanted to give him his father's wedding band. We had just been talking about going out and buying our bands before the wedding. I, of course, was all for it and boo hoo'd like a baby going down the road. Riley even teared up.
When we got to PC, everyone was doing pretty well, considering the circumstances. We weren't there long before we took off for the Mardi Gras parade at Pier Park. The kids had a good time and it was good for the rest to get out of the house. His mother stayed home with all of her wonderful friends who have surrounded her and have not left her side. After the parade, we came back to the house and ate. Scott's counsin came from Montgomery and brought Crowe's chicken. Those of you who went to school in Troy can appreciate this. I think there is something addictive in the chicken and the sauce. There wasn't a chicken finger left. It was supposed to be a 20 piece box, but there again those that went to Troy know they pile the chicken in the box til you can't get any more in. The same manager is there too. I think he has been there for 30 years.
I went to bed pretty early with Riley. I haven't been sleeping super lately and I was wiped out. I am not taking an pain medicine anymore and my body thinks it has to have it to sleep. Not anything a little Tylenol PM can't fix. We got up around 8:30 or so and Riley went running down stairs to play with Scott's neice and nephew. She loves playing with Emmy and Whit. I went to take a shower and just as I got in, Thomas, Scott's son came barrelling in yelling "I gotta pee". He is 4, so as you know, at that age it is all about you and what you want and need. He still thinks it's funny when he has gas and yells to me in the shower that he just "tooted". Is that a 4 year old thing or a boy thing? Either way, I'm not too amused at that moment and tell him how proud I am of him and GET OUT! I mean I still have a drain hanging out of me and boobs that are not complete yet. I don't really want to scare him. I did say I was going to lay it out....When they do the mastectomy, they usually take the nipples and all. Mine have not been reconstructed yet. That will come after the chemo. I kinda look like a barbie doll, or at least that is the way I explained it to Riley before the surgery. Well....maybe not just like a barbie doll. I don't have a 20 inch waist, long legs, blonde hair, and I'm certianly not always smiling. The boobs just don't have the nipples. That is the only thing I have in common with barbie dolls. So, back to the shower.....I got out. I went down stairs to see everyone and EAT!! Food was everywhere, of course. People have been very generous. We ate a breakfast casserole someone made. Scott's mother came in and asked me if I liked pearls. I love them!! She brought me a bracelet that Scott's dad gave to her and wanted me to have it. It has diamonds and pearls on it. I cried, AGAIN! I've become so dang emotional. It amazes me in the midst of all the planning for Scott's dad's funeral, that she would and could stop to think of me. I was very touched!!! I will wear this when Scott and I get married and am honored to have it!! I am blessed to be part of Scott's family. Yet another blessing from God!!! They are endless.
Riley and I got on the road to come back to Dothan around lunch time today. I wanted to get back home. I have been out of work and didn't want to leave again so soon. I also wanted Riley to be back in her routine. I will go to work 1/2 the day tomorrow and go back to PC for the funeral. Dad is going with me as well. Thankfully, I have such wonderful people that I work for. Everyone has been very supportive through everything I've had to deal with and I couldn't be more thankful. (another blessing).
When we got home, my dad showed up with something in hand. He brought me my grandmother's wedding band, which fits me perfectly and looks awesome with my ring. And yet again, I had to fight back the tears. I am so thrilled to be wearing my grandmother's ring. Scott and I are excited. Both rings were worn for over 40 years. ....another blessing. I've got tons of them....so hang on to hear more!!! these are just little one's. I've got some that will give you chill bumps!!
until the next time...May the peace of Christ be with you!!!
When we got to PC, everyone was doing pretty well, considering the circumstances. We weren't there long before we took off for the Mardi Gras parade at Pier Park. The kids had a good time and it was good for the rest to get out of the house. His mother stayed home with all of her wonderful friends who have surrounded her and have not left her side. After the parade, we came back to the house and ate. Scott's counsin came from Montgomery and brought Crowe's chicken. Those of you who went to school in Troy can appreciate this. I think there is something addictive in the chicken and the sauce. There wasn't a chicken finger left. It was supposed to be a 20 piece box, but there again those that went to Troy know they pile the chicken in the box til you can't get any more in. The same manager is there too. I think he has been there for 30 years.
I went to bed pretty early with Riley. I haven't been sleeping super lately and I was wiped out. I am not taking an pain medicine anymore and my body thinks it has to have it to sleep. Not anything a little Tylenol PM can't fix. We got up around 8:30 or so and Riley went running down stairs to play with Scott's neice and nephew. She loves playing with Emmy and Whit. I went to take a shower and just as I got in, Thomas, Scott's son came barrelling in yelling "I gotta pee". He is 4, so as you know, at that age it is all about you and what you want and need. He still thinks it's funny when he has gas and yells to me in the shower that he just "tooted". Is that a 4 year old thing or a boy thing? Either way, I'm not too amused at that moment and tell him how proud I am of him and GET OUT! I mean I still have a drain hanging out of me and boobs that are not complete yet. I don't really want to scare him. I did say I was going to lay it out....When they do the mastectomy, they usually take the nipples and all. Mine have not been reconstructed yet. That will come after the chemo. I kinda look like a barbie doll, or at least that is the way I explained it to Riley before the surgery. Well....maybe not just like a barbie doll. I don't have a 20 inch waist, long legs, blonde hair, and I'm certianly not always smiling. The boobs just don't have the nipples. That is the only thing I have in common with barbie dolls. So, back to the shower.....I got out. I went down stairs to see everyone and EAT!! Food was everywhere, of course. People have been very generous. We ate a breakfast casserole someone made. Scott's mother came in and asked me if I liked pearls. I love them!! She brought me a bracelet that Scott's dad gave to her and wanted me to have it. It has diamonds and pearls on it. I cried, AGAIN! I've become so dang emotional. It amazes me in the midst of all the planning for Scott's dad's funeral, that she would and could stop to think of me. I was very touched!!! I will wear this when Scott and I get married and am honored to have it!! I am blessed to be part of Scott's family. Yet another blessing from God!!! They are endless.
Riley and I got on the road to come back to Dothan around lunch time today. I wanted to get back home. I have been out of work and didn't want to leave again so soon. I also wanted Riley to be back in her routine. I will go to work 1/2 the day tomorrow and go back to PC for the funeral. Dad is going with me as well. Thankfully, I have such wonderful people that I work for. Everyone has been very supportive through everything I've had to deal with and I couldn't be more thankful. (another blessing).
When we got home, my dad showed up with something in hand. He brought me my grandmother's wedding band, which fits me perfectly and looks awesome with my ring. And yet again, I had to fight back the tears. I am so thrilled to be wearing my grandmother's ring. Scott and I are excited. Both rings were worn for over 40 years. ....another blessing. I've got tons of them....so hang on to hear more!!! these are just little one's. I've got some that will give you chill bumps!!
until the next time...May the peace of Christ be with you!!!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Scott's father
Scott's father died this morning. Scott and his family are doing well as can be expected. We are all sad, but know he has been made whole again and is with our Lord in heaven. We are thankful for his life and for the example he set for everyone. He was such a sweet man that never complained about a thing. I didn't have much time to get to know him, but in that time I discovered he was such a content person and deeply cared about his family. Please keep Scott's family in your prayers. Much love...May the peace of Christ be with you!
Melissa
Melissa
catching up
Let me start this post by saying I don't pretend to think my blogs will be the most interesting and that everyone will want to read it, so with that said, here is the next one.....
Did I mention I was engaged? Yes, I have the most wonderful fiance. Is that how you spell it? His name is Scott Whitehurst. We have been dating for 1 year and 8 months. We are getting married in 2 weeks! God willing, that is!!! I will get to him a little later down in the story, but in the mean time, please pray for his dad and the entire family. He has Non Hodkins Lymphoma and Alzheimer's. He is on Hospice and was just started on morphine. Scott's mother and dad have been married for over 40 years and this is hard on his mother, especially. His mother wants us to continue with our plans to get married, but we may not go far from home after.
Speaking of dad's.....do you remember the first lesson your dad ever taught you? My dad is very special to me even if he won't put his hearing aids in...love you dad!! I remember when I was 5 or 6 and standing outside with my dad picking an orange off an orange tree we had. His very good friend smoked alot and I asked my dad why he wouldn't just tell him to quit. In my 5 year old mind ,my dad, other than God, was all knowing and all powerful and could make anything happen so I didn't think there would be an issue with that. He proceeded to tell me that it was not our business and we can't control what other people do even if it is bad for them, we can only set the example. I remember that like it was yesterday. I was also very taken back by the fact that my dad couldn't tell other people what to do like he did me and my sister. My dad is a retired Army Lt. Col.. I thought he was the most important man on Earth. Isn't he?
oh dang...I am rambling again. Ok....After I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at 17, I started taking the whole array of medicines that go along with it. I remember running into my dad's friend's daughter (the same friend from above). She was a pharmacist and she mentioned she could tell I was on steroids (prednisone) because my face was getting round. I was mortified. I was getting the "moon" face. Ouch!!!
I fell asleep last night trying to get caught up on this....
I am going to see Dr. Fendley this morning to \follow up on a surgery we did two weeks ago. My lymph wouldn't quit draining. They went back in under my arm and in my incision on my breast and found the leak....The funny thing is the lymph was the lypmph that comes from your intestines (it was white-from lipids). It is not supposed to drain under your arms, but in your thorasic cavity into your blood vessels. Anyway, it was fixed. Aslo, I had fluid on my abdomen in a CT scan. They drew a whole liter of fluid off my abdomen. We will talk to him about that this morning. much love to all and may the peace of Christ be with you!!
Melissa
Did I mention I was engaged? Yes, I have the most wonderful fiance. Is that how you spell it? His name is Scott Whitehurst. We have been dating for 1 year and 8 months. We are getting married in 2 weeks! God willing, that is!!! I will get to him a little later down in the story, but in the mean time, please pray for his dad and the entire family. He has Non Hodkins Lymphoma and Alzheimer's. He is on Hospice and was just started on morphine. Scott's mother and dad have been married for over 40 years and this is hard on his mother, especially. His mother wants us to continue with our plans to get married, but we may not go far from home after.
Speaking of dad's.....do you remember the first lesson your dad ever taught you? My dad is very special to me even if he won't put his hearing aids in...love you dad!! I remember when I was 5 or 6 and standing outside with my dad picking an orange off an orange tree we had. His very good friend smoked alot and I asked my dad why he wouldn't just tell him to quit. In my 5 year old mind ,my dad, other than God, was all knowing and all powerful and could make anything happen so I didn't think there would be an issue with that. He proceeded to tell me that it was not our business and we can't control what other people do even if it is bad for them, we can only set the example. I remember that like it was yesterday. I was also very taken back by the fact that my dad couldn't tell other people what to do like he did me and my sister. My dad is a retired Army Lt. Col.. I thought he was the most important man on Earth. Isn't he?
oh dang...I am rambling again. Ok....After I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at 17, I started taking the whole array of medicines that go along with it. I remember running into my dad's friend's daughter (the same friend from above). She was a pharmacist and she mentioned she could tell I was on steroids (prednisone) because my face was getting round. I was mortified. I was getting the "moon" face. Ouch!!!
I fell asleep last night trying to get caught up on this....
I am going to see Dr. Fendley this morning to \follow up on a surgery we did two weeks ago. My lymph wouldn't quit draining. They went back in under my arm and in my incision on my breast and found the leak....The funny thing is the lymph was the lypmph that comes from your intestines (it was white-from lipids). It is not supposed to drain under your arms, but in your thorasic cavity into your blood vessels. Anyway, it was fixed. Aslo, I had fluid on my abdomen in a CT scan. They drew a whole liter of fluid off my abdomen. We will talk to him about that this morning. much love to all and may the peace of Christ be with you!!
Melissa
Thursday, March 3, 2011
The beginning of my battles....
Have you ever read one of those blogs that you just wanted the person to get to the point and you skip over everything else? Well, this is probably one of them. I always wanted to write a book. I have an accounting degree, not an English degree. How did I ever think I could do something like a blog? We all think we have a story. Don't we? Of course. I just hope mine may help someone along the way. What better time to start then when you just took some Lortab. So...here I go!
First of all, let me catch you up on the last 41 years....I promise I will be as brief as possible.
I was born in 1969 right before Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. My sister, Laura, is 4 years older than me and swaddled me up like baby Jesus when I was a baby.She still likes to treat me like her baby, even at 41. My mom stayed home with us and my dad was a helicopter pilot in the Army. We lived in Ft. Rucker, AL and some of my first memories include laying in my bed taking a nap and waking up to my sister coming home from school and being so excited. I remember , one time, pulling a bottle of Coke off the counter and busting it on the floor, because they were all glass bottles then. Oh....I remember we had a babysitter one time when I was 3 or 4 and she was smoking. She wanted us to take a puff....yes, I'm serious. I tried and got all choked up. I think that is why I have never smoked in my entire life. (don't try this at home). I don't remember if I ever told my parents. I was always so shy growing up. I was usually attached to my mother's leg if we were out in public. I was always too scared to try things and usually stayed close to the safe confines of my house. As I started getting older, I ventured out a tiny bit, but never wanted to get too far out of my safe zone. My sister was a little less shy and more adventureous. There were a few times she got in trouble and I learned to do what I had to do so I wouldn't see the wrath of my dad, which wasn't that bad, but you never want your dad mad or disappointed in you. I became such a worrier for no real apparent reason. In my mind I thought we all had a set number of blessings from God and when they were all used up, things went down hill. I don't remember anyone telling me this, it was just my mind deciding how God worked. Somehow it made me appreciate the good things in life at an early age. As a result of my worrying and my concept of numbered blessings I would sit by the window as I got older waiting and watching when my parents or sister would leave the house and go out, especially at night. I don't know if this was the start of my health's demise.
I had a pretty good childhood. We would go swimming, play golf with mom , go fishing with my dad, play in the wooded lot next door making trails and forts. We played barbies and "Charley's Angels". We even made a boy in the neighborhood play one of the angels. I think it was Sabrina. (I wonder how he turned out). We went skating, listed to Shawn Cassidy and Andy Gibb on the record player, and endlessly played with our Labrador. I remember standing on my bed alot and twinkling my nose trying to make myself fly. I watched too much "Bewitched". My best friend was Cynthia Heyman. I would go to her house to spend the night occasionally. Her house was always so much more fun. Isn't that always the case, though? We went swimming, played restaurant, and played with her hand help football game. I loved being at her house. I always loved coming home too though. My childhood was fun, safe, and happy. Even though I worried more than a child should have, I have so many happy memories. I seemed to have more boyfriends than I could count in middle school (I hope my child doesn't read this), but by the time I reached high school, I decided I was too shy and too fat (thank God). I started staying inside more often and discovered Soap Operas. I would eat popcorn with lots of butter and sit and watch Days of Our Lives, which led to more added pounds than I liked. When I was a junior in high school I starting getting frequent stomach pains and more frequent trips to the bathroom. I was glad when the summer came along. I had a 1965 Karmengea and a driver's licence that would take me to the new mall that had a Taco Bell and a Chick Fil A, not to mention I had lost 20 pounds and could look as good in blue jeans as the other tiny girls around me in high school so I enjoyed buying new clothes a little more too. My jobs included constant babysitting for kids in my church, especially our preacher. I would drive to my piano lesson, then go to the mall and get a burrito from Taco Bell. I kept losing weight though, somehow. I kept drinking chocolate milk and taking hot baths thinking the milk would settle my stomach. Wrong!! I found out later that was the worst thing I could have done.
The first 3 days of my senior year started out a little off. I had a stomach virus that wiped me out and I just couldn't get over it. I missed getting a parking spot and my own locker. I had to share a locker with my best friend , JoNell ,and had to park way away instead of parking with the rest of the seniors. Looking back, somehow I think these type of things kept me humble and down to earth. God works in crazy ways. When I was half way through the year and had lost as much as 40 lbs and running to the bathroom at least 15 times a day, I finally let my mom take me to the doctor. I kept pushing it off to "nerves". My mom and dad finally said enough and made me go. I was terrified. I was so scared I didn't want to know what was wrong. I prepped for a "sigmoidscopy" and went in the doctor's office. If any doctor ever wants to do that, say no, please. Ask for a colonoscopy and let them knock you out. They admitted me in the hospital that day and did a colonoscopy the next morning. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. This was the end of any kind of normal life. Of course, normal is all relative. It became my new normal.
I am going to start these posts catching up and then I will start doing this day by day...I am already way behind where I wanted to be at this point. I am hoping to catch up before I start chemo for my breast cancer. oh wait.....I decided I didn't want that label. I am having chemo for the breast cancer I HAD! bear with me until I catch up. I have already had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. There have been several bumps in the road in between, but I will get to that. I don't know how many people will read this, but if this helps just one person see the many blessings the God has continued send my way, I will have done the job that God has given me. The one thing I want to relay through this process is how good God is. God has saved me from the depths of hell and has held me high through every battle. I don't know why I have to go through all of this, but I do know God is in control and whatever reason God has let me go through all my trials is not for my understanding. I do have my ups and downs mentally and spiritually, I'm human, but I trust God and know he will continue to hold me high and one day I will be made whole again by his never ending Grace and Love. Until my next post....My the peace of Christ be with you!!!
First of all, let me catch you up on the last 41 years....I promise I will be as brief as possible.
I was born in 1969 right before Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. My sister, Laura, is 4 years older than me and swaddled me up like baby Jesus when I was a baby.She still likes to treat me like her baby, even at 41. My mom stayed home with us and my dad was a helicopter pilot in the Army. We lived in Ft. Rucker, AL and some of my first memories include laying in my bed taking a nap and waking up to my sister coming home from school and being so excited. I remember , one time, pulling a bottle of Coke off the counter and busting it on the floor, because they were all glass bottles then. Oh....I remember we had a babysitter one time when I was 3 or 4 and she was smoking. She wanted us to take a puff....yes, I'm serious. I tried and got all choked up. I think that is why I have never smoked in my entire life. (don't try this at home). I don't remember if I ever told my parents. I was always so shy growing up. I was usually attached to my mother's leg if we were out in public. I was always too scared to try things and usually stayed close to the safe confines of my house. As I started getting older, I ventured out a tiny bit, but never wanted to get too far out of my safe zone. My sister was a little less shy and more adventureous. There were a few times she got in trouble and I learned to do what I had to do so I wouldn't see the wrath of my dad, which wasn't that bad, but you never want your dad mad or disappointed in you. I became such a worrier for no real apparent reason. In my mind I thought we all had a set number of blessings from God and when they were all used up, things went down hill. I don't remember anyone telling me this, it was just my mind deciding how God worked. Somehow it made me appreciate the good things in life at an early age. As a result of my worrying and my concept of numbered blessings I would sit by the window as I got older waiting and watching when my parents or sister would leave the house and go out, especially at night. I don't know if this was the start of my health's demise.
I had a pretty good childhood. We would go swimming, play golf with mom , go fishing with my dad, play in the wooded lot next door making trails and forts. We played barbies and "Charley's Angels". We even made a boy in the neighborhood play one of the angels. I think it was Sabrina. (I wonder how he turned out). We went skating, listed to Shawn Cassidy and Andy Gibb on the record player, and endlessly played with our Labrador. I remember standing on my bed alot and twinkling my nose trying to make myself fly. I watched too much "Bewitched". My best friend was Cynthia Heyman. I would go to her house to spend the night occasionally. Her house was always so much more fun. Isn't that always the case, though? We went swimming, played restaurant, and played with her hand help football game. I loved being at her house. I always loved coming home too though. My childhood was fun, safe, and happy. Even though I worried more than a child should have, I have so many happy memories. I seemed to have more boyfriends than I could count in middle school (I hope my child doesn't read this), but by the time I reached high school, I decided I was too shy and too fat (thank God). I started staying inside more often and discovered Soap Operas. I would eat popcorn with lots of butter and sit and watch Days of Our Lives, which led to more added pounds than I liked. When I was a junior in high school I starting getting frequent stomach pains and more frequent trips to the bathroom. I was glad when the summer came along. I had a 1965 Karmengea and a driver's licence that would take me to the new mall that had a Taco Bell and a Chick Fil A, not to mention I had lost 20 pounds and could look as good in blue jeans as the other tiny girls around me in high school so I enjoyed buying new clothes a little more too. My jobs included constant babysitting for kids in my church, especially our preacher. I would drive to my piano lesson, then go to the mall and get a burrito from Taco Bell. I kept losing weight though, somehow. I kept drinking chocolate milk and taking hot baths thinking the milk would settle my stomach. Wrong!! I found out later that was the worst thing I could have done.
The first 3 days of my senior year started out a little off. I had a stomach virus that wiped me out and I just couldn't get over it. I missed getting a parking spot and my own locker. I had to share a locker with my best friend , JoNell ,and had to park way away instead of parking with the rest of the seniors. Looking back, somehow I think these type of things kept me humble and down to earth. God works in crazy ways. When I was half way through the year and had lost as much as 40 lbs and running to the bathroom at least 15 times a day, I finally let my mom take me to the doctor. I kept pushing it off to "nerves". My mom and dad finally said enough and made me go. I was terrified. I was so scared I didn't want to know what was wrong. I prepped for a "sigmoidscopy" and went in the doctor's office. If any doctor ever wants to do that, say no, please. Ask for a colonoscopy and let them knock you out. They admitted me in the hospital that day and did a colonoscopy the next morning. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. This was the end of any kind of normal life. Of course, normal is all relative. It became my new normal.
I am going to start these posts catching up and then I will start doing this day by day...I am already way behind where I wanted to be at this point. I am hoping to catch up before I start chemo for my breast cancer. oh wait.....I decided I didn't want that label. I am having chemo for the breast cancer I HAD! bear with me until I catch up. I have already had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. There have been several bumps in the road in between, but I will get to that. I don't know how many people will read this, but if this helps just one person see the many blessings the God has continued send my way, I will have done the job that God has given me. The one thing I want to relay through this process is how good God is. God has saved me from the depths of hell and has held me high through every battle. I don't know why I have to go through all of this, but I do know God is in control and whatever reason God has let me go through all my trials is not for my understanding. I do have my ups and downs mentally and spiritually, I'm human, but I trust God and know he will continue to hold me high and one day I will be made whole again by his never ending Grace and Love. Until my next post....My the peace of Christ be with you!!!
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