Bitter?

We are gathered here today to get through this thing called...(all together now).........LIFE! I want to say that every time I hear it in a movie or at a wedding. I just love Prince. We have to get through life every day, good or bad. We have no choice, but we do have the choice on how we will handle it. I am not trying to sound like a cliche, but dang it is so true that life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it! Today, well today, I am having fleeting moments of resentment and bitterness. Yes, they are fleeting. I don't normally feel that way long, but I do feel like that every great once in a while. It seems the more I go through, the less bitter and resentful I am. Sounds crazy, huh? Maybe it is the weak body, strong spirit concept. God is working on me through my weak moments. My friend, JoNell, and I use to talk about how "jealousy" was such a wasted emotion. I feel the same way about being bitter and resentful. Why would God give us those feelings? Did he give them to us or do we let the devil lay them on us!? I still get confused and I boggle my own brain when I start thinking about why God would create an angel called Lucifer that he knew would fall and tempt the world. I know God has his master plan and it will all be clear one day, but I still can't help but think about it sometimes. It all ties into why we have to suffer! I don't have the answer, but I do know that Jesus suffered so we would be saved. I don't think God promised us a pain free life with no problems, just a safe landing, as my sister says!

After I had my "j-pouch" surgery to remove my colon and recreate my colon in 2004 , I had multiple bowel obstructions. It was about 2 years after the initial surgeries. Shawn and I had been divorced about 1 1/2 years and I just sold my trailer, finally. I couldn't give it away before that. Riley and I had moved in with mom and dad while I looked for a house. Also, at the same time we were moving the accounting department at Movie Gallery to the corporate office at Hollywood video that we had acquired in the year before that. I and a whole lot of other people were losing their jobs. I was lucky enough to get retention and severance to stay until the last day. I had a job as soon as this one ended at the I.D. Associates, where I am still today. I found a house, made an offer, started working at I.D. and then one night I woke up (at mom and dad's) with the worst, deepest pain in my stomach I had ever felt. I got up went into mom and dad's room and woke them up. I eventually threw up and I felt better. I went back to sleep, but the pain came back with a vengeance the next morning. Dad took me to the ER and they did a CT scan and found my intestines twisted like a hose that gets kinked up. It was adhesions that caused my intestines to twist. Dr. Nichols did surgery and fixed it and 10 days later, I was home just on time for my dad's birthday. I closed on my house, ripped up the carpet, painted the walls. I say "I", but my dad and his friend did the floor and my sister and her family painted my house. I changed all the fixtures too. Before all that was done I started getting sick again and couldn't stop throwing up. I had ANOTHER bowel obstruction. This time it wasn't an easy fix. I went back in and we did surgery again to no avail. We ended up back at UAB and stayed there for a while and had several surgeries there as well. I had the best doctor and nurses I could have ever imagined. They became like family to me. I still stay in touch with my doctor and several nurses. It ended up being 84 days in the hospital and 8 months out of work. BUT.....I was living with mom and dad when it happened, I had severance and retention money from Movie Gallery that paid my bills during all the time out of work, my trailer sold,  and I had a job to go back to when I got well. Did God orchestrate this???? I believe he did. Not the bad stuff, but God knows what is going on in your life and he took care of me! If you just look for God, you will find him. I didn't see all of this until about a year later or so. Then one day, I went OMG!!! God worked this out for me!! There were days I would stare out the window while I was in the hospital at Flowers and watch the people driving by and think how much those people where taking driving for granted and why was I there! Why me? why anybody? It was hard, but in retrospect I saw how God orchestrated taking care of me and my family.

I don't know why I have been sick since I was 17, why I've had 11 surgeries, why I have breast cancer, but I do know God works these things out for our good and for his glory. All things work together for the good of the Lord, for those that love him. Romans 8:28. Sounds so crazy, but Shawn I got married Aug. 28, 1999. We wanted a verse read that had 8:28 in it! This is the one we used. I never realized how much it would mean in my life!  I still have my fleeting moments of bitterness and just being tired, but I am stronger in spirit. I still have a long, long way to go and am humbled by so many other people that have suffered way more than I have. I hope that this is not all in vain and that I don't have to keep learning these lessons over and over. I have learned so much trust through the years. Not in people, in God! I don't understand it, so I just trust him! It is not for our understanding. I am not a biblical scholar, don't get me wrong. I try to learn more all the time about the bible. I love hearing from other people that have a deep love for our savior and I love those that don't.  I would love to hear your comments on "suffering".

May the peace of Christ be with you! until next time....I pray that you find your blessings among the battles.