Shame on me....It has been too long!! It has been a little rough the last few months, but it could have been worse. I have had 5 treatments out of 6 now and I am almost done. My body seems to learning to deal with this chemo a little better, but I am getting more and more tired with each treatment. I don't know how people do this for years and still keep their head up. I so admire the friends I have that have had stronger chemo and keep smiling. I see pictures of my friend from college, Marsha, who has been dealing with breast cancer for years and she is smiling big! I am so proud of her and am so inspired! But then I let myself get pissed off, yes I said it! I thought I had met my quota! Crap...sick AGAIN??!! really? I know....I'm almost done!!! I still have to meet with the doctor about doing radiation. They have been telling me all along I probably won't have to do it, but now they are on the fence about it! I am praying i won't have to. After all this is done, I will have another MRI, CT scan, and a bone scan. They will check to see if there is more fluid on my abdomen again. If there is, they will check that again. Somehow...they didn't check for cancer cells the first time. I also have 2 spots on two ribs that they are confident are not cancer, but probably just a previous injury. I am praying those spots are exactly the same when I go back. I know, sounds crazy. If they have changed, then they might be cancer after all. The radiologist said in the first report that there was a 35% chance it was cancer. I haven't been worried about it, really, but as it it closer to doing more tests, I think about it a little more.
With all that said....I do still have times of feeling inspired and motivated. Today I am feeling the strong desire to get completely healthy and in the best shape I've ever been when I get past all this. I think we are going to buy a Wii fit so I will have no excuse. Riley loves anything to do with the Wii, so she will do it with me too. We are also building a house and that has had me a little distracted too. I am excited about having a fireplace and a big tub. Riley, of course, always keeps me on my toes and completey keeps me from getting too down on things!! She has been going to SEACT camp this summer (acting camp) and she loves it. We went to her play on Friday and I was so impressed with my child's ability!! She really IS GOOD!! I know, I am her mother, I am supposed to say that, but really, you should see her act! She is trying out for "Willy Wonka" the end of July. We are both looking forward to it. I hope she gets a part, even if it is an Oompa Loompa...is that how you spell it?
so....I am counting down the days! In 19 days I will have my last treatment!!! Two weeks after that, we are supposed to close on our house, that same weekend Riley will try out for the play, 3 weeks after that Riley will start the 4th grade. By October we will have a little chill come through and I can use my fireplace for the first time, in November we will have Thanksgiving at my house for the first time (since I will have a house big enough now), and in December, Scott and I are going on a cruise!! In between all that, my mom and dad will have their 50th anniversary!! Wow...I have alot to look forward to......GOD Willing! I have become the "persistent woman" in the parable by praying and begging for prayers. I know they work and I know if we ask for God's will, it will be done. I don't know what God's will is for me, but I do still trust it. I have felt spiritually depleted at times and that is when I beg for prayer and rely on the holy spirit to intervene. I know God will get me on the other side of this and life will go on for me as well as for my friends dealing with breast cancer and other illnesses! Whatever "the other side" is, I trust God with it! I pray today for more strength for me, my friends, my family, for more understanding and wisdom, and for more motivation to push myself through this. I feel like I'm in the eye of the storm right now and I can't see the rainbow yet. I know I will see the blessings in my battle. Thank God for my wonderful husband, amazing daughter, supporting sister, and incredible parents. I have amazing friends, neighbors, and bosses!!! Thank you for all your prayers and support through all of this!!
Much love and I pray that you see your blessings through your battles!!
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